Lahore, Pakistan - America's image in the Islamic world suffered another setback Wednesday when a McDonald's franchise in this Pakistani city ran out of Happy Meals. As word of the depletion spread, an angry mob of some 10,000 incensed patrons, most of them adolescent males and young men, gathered at the restaurant, chanting anti-American and anti-fast food slogans. Soon, the restaurant was burning, amid chants of "Death to America!, Death to Ronald McDonald!"
CLEVER ESCAPE. As the hungry mob stormed the fast food restaurant, employees fled for their lives. While most of the rank and file staff managed to escape, store manager Hassan Akbar was not so fortunate, as he was beaten to death by the ravenous horde of fast food aficionados. Another McDonald's employee, shift supervisor Ali Musharraf managed to escape by masquerading as one of protestors. "I saw the mob forming, changed clothes, and when the assault on our store began, I grabbed the statue of Ronald McDonald and threw it through the window by the front entrance. They thought I was one of them. I kind of got into the whole thing. I was saying 'Death to Ronald' and 'Death to the infidels.' It was killer, dude."
White House Response. President Bush commented on the situation in Pakistan Thursday morning from the White House Rose Garden, where he was meeting with leaders of the fast food industry. "Like most Americans, I was shocked to see the statue of Ronald McDonald being dragged into the streets, beaten, and then set ablaze. The members of the civilized world will not stand for this brand of McTerrorism." The president called for leaders throughout the Islamic world to encourage their citizens to show restraint. "What we need to do, frankly, is to put this thing in perspective. It ain't like they put Prophet Muhammad action figures in these dang happy meals."