CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - President George W. Bush, after hearing about the testimony of Richard Perle, was visibly shaken. When a reporter asked the president if he was involved in the 9/11 conspiracy, Bush asked, "Who me? It wasn't a conspiracy, it was a hoax."
President Bush quickly regained his composure, and commented on the statements by Perle, "Well, ya' gotta' break a few eggs to cook a chicken. Perle says that we lied. He's wrong. All we did is tell a few un-truths. I mean, how are ya' gonna' get people to willingly give up their rights if ya' don't scare the bejesus out of them? What better way than running a couple of airplanes into a building and using explosives to bring the buildings down? At least we minimumized the damage to people standing around the buildings. Heck, the damn buildings wouldn't fall just frum havin' the planes run into the top of 'em. My cousin set up them 'splosives real good. It had to look spektakt... spooktek... prektas... fantastic for the Americun peeple to buy it. My attitude is, if they're still writing about (number) one, 43 doesn't need to worry about it."
The bewildered reporter did his best to understand what the president was saying. "Are you admitting that you lied to the American public," asked the reporter.
"Suiciders are willing to kill innocent life in order to send the projection that this is an impossible mission, and my concern, Cal, is several," said President Bush. "There is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it."
"Elevate it, Mr. Bush," asked CalJennings. "Why can't you just admit that the War in Iraq is wrong?"
"The solution to Iraq -- an Iraq that can govern itself, sustain itself and defend itself -- is more than a military mission. Precisely the reason why I sent more troops into Baghdad."
"Are you saying that this is a political mission, Mr. Bush," asked CalJennings.
"There's alot of politics in Washington. Iraq is a very important part of securing the homeland, and it's a very important part of helping change the Middle East into a part of the world that will not serve as a threat to the civilized world, to people like -- or to the developed world, to people like -- in the United States."
"What about health care for those soldiers who are injured in Iraq," asked the reporter.
"One of my concerns is that the health care not be as good as it can possibly be," said the president.
"Aren't you concerned about the way the American public feels about this war and health care, Mr. President," asked CalJennings.
"Some call this civil war; others call it emergency -- I call it pure evil. The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the -- the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice. Them Iraqis is the axes of evil," said Bush.
"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror. Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country," said the president.
The reporter just shook his head and left.