Written by matthatt
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Topics: Paris Hilton, Naked

Saturday, 5 May 2007

image for Paris Hilton to be laminated nude prior to prison.
Paris Hilton, before the laminating process.

Pseudo celebrity stick insect, money shot purveyor and role model, Paris Hilton has been jailed for 45 days after being found guilty of violating her probation for a drink-driving conviction.

She was also brought up on a lesser charge of being a bit stupid in a built up area and without due care and attention.

The judge ruled the latter charge, however valid, can not be used against her as she was born like that and if we were to start locking people away for that, the prisons would be more full than they are already.

Ms Hilton told the judge she was very sorry and that she would "pay complete attention to everything" from now on, as she sat on her third puppy this week.

The 26-year-old heiress wept when the ruling was announced and said, "I can't go to prison, its full of hairy lesbians and nappy headed hoes. Can you send me to the one where Snoopy Snoopy Dog Dog is please, or M'n'M? I like their music. I listen to it all the time when I'm driving, it's great when I'm off my face"

She was then hurriedly hustled out of the court to a waiting limousine where she proceeded to climb into the drivers' seat.

Since the court ruling, Miss Hilton has asked her people to look for ways that can ease her time in the clink. The best solution so far, is to have her entire body laminated and sealed off from the rest of the female inmates, to make sure no one will be able to touch her.

For this process she will have to be completely naked, then laminated, then her prison garb will be slipped over the top.

A spokesman from Staples Office Stationary Supplies said, "when finished, she shouldn't look any different from normal, also we didn't have to worry about holes for oxygen as she should be able to live off the air inside her own head for months.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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