CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Iraq - In Iraq this morning, fighting had broken out in the desert. The fighting was fierce at first, but soon died down when everyone ran out of ammo.
Walking over a dune to to head back for more ammo, Private Heesa Saint noticed a pair of sandals lying on the desert floor. She picked them up and took them to her commander, who was, as it turned out, an archaeologist.
"These are Jesus' sandals," he cried. He then quickly packed them up and sent them to the university to be studied.
The university ran carbon dating tests and DNA tests which confirmed the commander's findings. "The carbon dating puts the sandals back around the time Jesus walked the Earth. The DNA shows to be only half human. The other half is of something we've never encountered. This leads us to believe that they are indeed Jesus' sandals."
When TheSpoof.com reporter, Gnarly Eric, heard the news, he threw lightning bolts from his hammer in anger. "NO! NO! NO! THOR is God," screamed G.E. "I can't believe I've been wrong all this time!"
Theologians believe that this indicates that Christ has already returned to Earth and he's preparing for the battle of Armageddon.