Bermuda Triangle, Apr 31 - In a major blow to genuine reporters all over the world, TheSpoof.com, a site that has always prided itself on its discretion and politeness in a world of rogues and disclosures, today announced that it would no longer be a free site after a severe strike crippled its working last night.
"Rising fuel costs and the war on terror have forced up our costs of living," said Falls ReBortz, President of the Artificial Reports and Stories Enterprise (ARSE) explained at a joint press conference today. "We have to pay for our booze and butts, and for those of us too loyal - or too lazy - to take even a part-time job, we have a socialist, communist obligation to provide them with sufficient financial means."
While what this means for the rest of the online community is uncertain, the move has come in for criticism from the Pentagon itself. General Bombemall Tuhell, a close confidant of the Bushmen and part-time nanny for the Bush twins, lambasted this move saying that it was a part of the conspiracy to dismantle the war machine. "We don't pay our soldiers nearly enough to risk their lives in Iraq," he said, pointing to Hong Kong. "TheSpoof.com sets a precedent that can lead to a revolt among the armed forces."
A close aide later explained that the General also wanted to point out that the staff at Pentagon were able to supplement their income by selling secrets to China. "We allow it because we can't pay them enough to wipe their backsides," is the unofficial stand on the issue.
Joining hands with the General was the 25th Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Prince Khaled Masood Al-rashid Il-Khalim Akbar Babar Gobar Saudan Bin Laden-Williamson. "We do not allow free speech in our kingdom," an official release from the Palace of Saud at New York quoted him as saying. "In fact, we don't even allow paid speech in our kingdom. It's an abhorrent attack on the dictatorial sovereignty of my blessed and God-forsaken kingdom."
In India, the Communist Party of India burnt effigies of Paul Lowton, Chief Employment Officer at TheSpoof.com. "It is an attempt to browbeat the uneducated masses to pay to visit their site," said a party spokesperson before accidentally setting himself on fire. The Congress Party President Ms.Sonia Gandhi said she would release a grant for all reserved (rich and illiterate members of backward castes pretending to be poor) visitors who wanted to visit the site. The Opposition claimed it an attack on Indian culture, although they did not specify any details.
Chinese President Hu Jintao also came out with his own statement. "If the Wong - I mean, Ton - brothers had set up their offices here (China), they would not have had to pay any salary at all, not even their own." He was noncommittal on bribes.
The last word, however, should belong to the beleaguered CEO, Paul Lowton. "I am <expletive deleted> sorry for those <expletive deleted> who want me to pay them for writing <expletive deleted>, but that doesn't mean they should <expletive deleted> me into <expletive deleted> for them."
There was no other last word as his brother was unable for comment. - Dissociated Press.