CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Alaska - Today, God frowned on the whole state of Alaska.
After TheSpoof.com writer Gnarly Erik wrote several disparaging remarks about God's New Chosen People, he looked down on Alaska with disdain.
"Those Alaskans are a bunch of idol worshiping, Christian hating, Jew bashing, no good sons of b*tches!," said God. "I tried to freeze them to death, but Alaska is so close to Hell that Hell's heat keeps them alive. I gave everyone the Ten Commandments to help them live together healthfully and peacefully until they could get home to me. They are:
- You shall have no other gods before me.
- You shall not make yourself an idol.
- You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God.
- Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.
- Honor your parents.
- You shall not murder.
- You shall not commit adultery.
- You shall not steal.
- You shall not bear false witness.
- You shall not covet your neighbour's wife or your neighbors goods.
"As far as I can see," said God, "Between Gnarly Erik and The Corrupt Bastards Club, not to mention every other citizen in Alaska, they've broken them all many, many times. The only thing left to do is call on the Texans, my chosen people, and have them do an Armageddon on their a$$es!"
God said that he would spare TheSpoof.com because there are at least two Texans working there.