Archaeologists from the University of Alabama have found amazing new evidence about the life of Jesus - or the JESUS 9000 as it is now known.
Dr Percy Pecker said: "We have found a tomb containing unusual electronics and metal parts. JESUS is actually an acronym, it stands for Jesus Electronic Stalinist Utilization System. A future communist state will build this robot and send it back in time to kill the real Jesus and replace him.
"This explains a number of the supposed miracles of Jesus, such as rising from the dead, walking on water, and making toast."
"It appears that Jesus had a toaster built into his derriere. He could also fire lasers from his eyes and could do a very good robot dance."
The Pope has refused to comment on the new findings, but is rumoured to be working on a 'Robo-Pope' of his own to send back in time to stop the JESUS 9000 from killing the real Jesus.