Written by matthatt
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Topics: Pope

Friday, 27 April 2007

image for Pope prompts panic passing punitive prayers potentially purveying pogroms
You want fries with that?

Pope Benedict's plans to revive the Latin Mass, which includes prayers for the conversion of Jews, is causing concern among Catholic and Jewish groups about relations between their faiths.

He is also considering reinstating the Spanish Inquisition and administering Chinese burns to anyone deemed not faithful enough.

"This is only part of what some of us see as a fairly disturbing trend within the Church," Professor John T Pawlikowski, president of the International Council of Christians and Jews told a report for TheSpoof.com.

"It has been elevated to higher level than it might otherwise have been and, certainly in America, you have certain voices in the Catholic Church, calling for the conversion of Jews on television,"

This is just one of the many new and interesting reality TV shows that the Vatican is thinking of in its drive to update and re market the church to a younger audience.

Other ideas for new pietistic and pious programming areā€¦

    PARAGONS DEN: -
    Sees teams of virtuous missionaries sent to, out of the way, unconverted parts of the world and given two weeks to convert as many heathens as they can. The winner receives the holy clice of St Hugh the Penitent.
    The loser will be fired by the pope, personally, live on national TV.

    LOST: -
    A group of survivors from a mysterious accident have to survive together on an island whilst being watched over by an unseen and vengeful but, allegedly, benign force.

    LATE NIGHT (RED HOT) POKER:-
    Teams from differing devotional directions play truth or dare to see who ends up on the rack to be reamed at the end of the show by a medieval device used to encourage non Christians to inform on their brethren.

A spokesman for The Vatican said "we just want to bring the family unit back together and the best way to do this is to scare the shit out of children when they are young enough to have their soft brains altered permanently.

"That's how we used to do it in the old days and some of the more enlightened padres say they have been doing this already."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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