The White House and Downing Street released together a joint press…er…release simultaneously late last night at the same time to say that the war in Iraq is now officially over as most Iraqis are now dead or fled the country.
"A victory like no other", the excellently written statement read. "Victory for the free world" was another snippet, followed closely by "we bombed the shit out of them nappy headed ho mother fcukers"
Even before the war officially started back in the heady days of September 2002--a month before Congress had voted to give President Bush the authority he used to invade Iraq, two months before the United Nations brought the matter to a vote and more than six months before "shock and awe" officially began, we, in the free world carpet bombed Iraq. The Pentagon's goal was clear: Destroy Iraq's ability to resist and we did. Hoorah for us freedom loving patriots!
At the time, the Bush Administration publicly played down the extent of the air strikes, probably because our great leader who made this decisive …er...decision, didn't want to take all the credit for such a bold and heroic stance against a blood thirsty freedom hating tyrannical tyran…madman.
The United States started heroically defending itself against a smaller and less well equipped but dangerous enemy along the no-fly zones and information has come out in response to a Downing Street memo revealing that, by this time, the war was already a foregone conclusion and attacks were no less than the undeclared beginning of the invasion of Iraq due to the Iraqis deserving a good ass whooping for things they may be guilty of in future.
"It reminded me of a boxing match in which one of the boxers is not allowed to move at all, but gets the shit punched out of him until he is about to fall over, then the bell rings to start the boxing match" said former UN Assistant Secretary General Hans Von Sponeck, "It was hilarious, the way old George dubya pulled the old one two, not just on Iraq, but with congress, the American public and the rest of the world, genius! He did it for our own good and that of the free world"
Prince Harry is relieved to hear the news as he was about to be shipped out to Iraq for his tour of duty. The royal family have been trying to ditch him for some time now due to him being born on the "wrong side of the duvet" and being ginger.
What better way to get rid of him? Send him to the front line to get blown up by friendly fire. But alas, it is not to happen. Happy hashish Harry will be around to embarrass his titled Teutonic tribe for a while longer.
He has decided to play it safe for now, to stay away from guns and dangerous situations until he feels secure again and go back to university, this time in America, somewhere quiet, like the mid west.