Moscow - It has been revealed today that the nation's vodka producers face mass lay-offs and possibly bankruptcy due to the unfortunate passing of former Russian President Boris Yeltsin on Monday.
Spokesman for the Russian Vodka Distributors Forum, Mikhail Boozevich, spoke frankly to the press and the Russian people today, calling upon more of the population to support his industry and to "fend off that Russian despair with a nice wholesome bottle of Russian-made vodka".
He went on to praise the former president who is often credited for bringing down the Soviet Union single-handedly, all while lingering in a semi-permanent alcoholic haze. He reminisced about his time spend with Yelstin at his presidential mansion. "He once told me he had no intention of bringing down the Soviet Union," he said. "He woke up one day with a hellish hangover to find people celebrating in the streets. When he found out why, he said he couldn't remember tearing down what the party leaders had worked so hard to build. He was distraught. He had to have another drink."
"I mourn the passing of this great man, not just for what he did for the Russian people, because really he kind of fucked up, but for his support of our greatest industry outside those little dolls that fit inside each other. I only wish our current president would start drinking more. He looks like he could loosen up a bit."