Atlantis - (Cosmic Press): The World Council of Matriarchy issued a statement today saying that all Abrahamic religion prophets are gnostic tiddlers suffering from typical patriarchal neurosis syndrome that causes them to sell supernatural hogwash instead of earning an honest crust:
"Male God my ass."
The move follows renewed attempts across the world to wage war on women by telling them what to wear, what to think, how to procreate, how to vote and how to spend their own hard-earned money.
The statement said since the year dot every recorded self-proclaimed peddler of patriarchal religion was either severely psychotic, deranged or too damned bone idle lazy to get a proper job like plumbing or carpentry or sweeping the roads - and resorted to prophesying as an easy way to make a buck.
The resulting mass-hypnosis of gullible cretins willing to give a major percentage of their take-home pay has been recorded in so called 'holy-books' which promise that in return for their weekly protection racket contribution an after-life is guaranteed in a place called heaven.
"It's the ultimate male scam," said a WCM spokeswoman.
"Claiming territorial rights to afterlife turf is like the Bush Administration's claims to owning outer space, ie. risible.
"Men have this tendency to call themselves God. Those not quite as testosterone-toxic opt for the junior position of Official Prophet or Pastor or Preacher etc.
"Inventing the details to bolster up claims is part of the fun of selling the make-believe where reality is suspended and the coffers left wide open for appreciative hand-outs."
The WCM has reafirmed its continuing stance that every so- called visionary man of God since Abraham was either a charlatan or clinically delusional or both.
"And that includes more recent additions like child-molestor L Ron Hubbard, a scoundrel so pathetically corrupt that he makes his 20th century contemporaries like Sun Myng Moon seem relatively nuts but in a harmless way."
Pat Robertson is 73.