Paul McCartney was today awarded Heather Mills' false leg as part of the divorce settlement.
McCartney, 79, was today said to be delighted with his award and immediately declared: "I'm off to some arse at an arse kicking contest".
Original reports stated that Mills asked for the couples plane, and a lady shave for her real leg. This request was denied by the judge at Penny Lane Court.
It was also revealed that McCartney had given Mills the prosthetic limb as a Christmas present. He denied reports that it was only a STOCKING FILLER.
Ms Mills was unavailable for comment but one witness outside the court stated "she hopped it when she seen reporters".