Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Boris Yeltsin

Monday, 23 April 2007

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Yeltsin in his younger days as a Moscow film industry heart throb

Moscow - (Ass Messki): In a stunning St George's Day development the Kremlin has announced that former Russian President Boris and Olympic-standard vodka drinker Boris Yeltsin has died.

Yeltsin was 76 and set the nation's gold standard for alcohol intake during the cold war years of the Reagan/Bush1 Administration as well as later when replacing Mikhail Gorbachev in a 1991 coup.

The official cause of death has not yet been announced but alcohol deprivation remains a top possibility after doctors made him go teetotal or unbdergo a liver transplant.

Some reports however say that Plutonium 210 has not been altogether ruled out and neither has the organic toxin wolfbane which recently despatched Pakstani cricket coach Bob Woolmer.

Yeltsin became Russia's first democratically (sic) elected president after Gorbachev was busted by the KGB for ratting onn his own security service personel in an insider corruption probe about vodka grain futures.

The 76 year old former Russian president attracted universal derision in a series of highly publicised TV comedy sketches where he fell over while pissed during official engagement with visitng foreign dignitaries.

His daughters Svetlana and Perestroika have been linked to every major Russian credit card fraud investigated since 1995 and the source of their recent inexsplicable wealth has been traced to the UN Oil-for-Fraud Saddam scam of 2001.

However, not even a massive quintuple Interpol fraud investigation by-pass could erase the magnitude of the Yetsin family's mobster activities and the former paterfamilias of this clan remains a legend in crime cartels across the globe.

He handed over the reins of power to ex-KGB hitman Vlad 'The Impaler' Putain on 31st December 1999 and had remained a reclusive immune from prosecution ever since.

A full state funeral is expected on Friday.

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