President Bush today linked Iran to the shootings earlier this week at Virginia Tech. Speaking from the Oval Office, Bush detailed how he believes Iran is responsible and what action America should take.
"Look, we all know that the president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is a Florida State fan. Satellite photos clearly show he was wearing a Seminoles cap at the grocery store the other day. Iranians love to vacation in Florida. Florida State played Virginia Tech in the college football championship game in 2000. Football is huge in Iran, although they call it soccer over there. (Which is offensive to me, by the way. It's our game and they should call it what we call it.) The shooter was from South Korea. According to our intelligence, Ahmadinejad once planned a trip to Korea. It was North Korea, but that's right next door to South Korea. I believe he could have possible met with the gunman then. I know he would only have been 5 years old at the time, but that's when these kinds of things start. These terrorists are very patient.
So, in review, Ahmadinejad...Florida State fan, hates Virginia Tech....planned vacation to North Korea, another one of the "Axis of Evil" countries...met with gunman there, maybe. So, as you can see, it's all laid out foro you. It makes perfect sense. It's indisputable! I'm going to ask Colin Powell to come back and present this information to the United Nations so that we might be able to invade Iran and do another one of those regime change things. Dick has been wanting his own country, so I'm going to give him that one. Remember, if you're not with us, you're a traitor! God bless you all. Now, let's git 'r done."