Somerset, Evening Herald Tribune. - Pneumatic mouthed Shakespearian actress Angelina Jolie and ex porn star Madge D'Honneur have been in a race to adopt as much of Africa as they can.
It all started as a bet, when the two stars met in a bar on the edge of a small village in Somerset; whilst both of the tempestuous totties were shopping for a nest for their emasculated men folk to stay at home and have a rest.
The two hunter gatherers of the new millennium got into a drinking match due to them both having a competitive nature and started egging each other on to greater and greater acts of bravado and derring do.
First of all, came the drunken darts match. Madge paid for the windows and the big lipped one showed her big heart and wrote a cheque on the spot for a replacement eye op' due to a dim witted and slow footed sop' getting in the way of the whiskey swilling boozy floozies and their less than accurate arrow aiming, he got hit by Madges intended double top.
Arm wrestling came next but neither could be bested as they sweated and toiled to turn the other over, each would brook no ground.
A fist fight broke out next, as the drinking also stepped up a notch and curses flung.
Regular drinkers at the village pub looked on in amazement as punches found their mark, more or less successfully. The two lager guzzling ladies showed no signs of stopping until a broken table afforded Madge to get a right hook in. As Mrs Pitt tripped; Mrs Richie's fist caught her lip, at the same time as her dress ripped and out popped a nippled lady bit.
Eyes agog, the regulars looked on as the pair started to snog. A full lesbian romp ensued, followed by more booze, a bout of light fisting followed soon, which seemed to leave both wenches dazed and confused, albeit temporarily.
As soon as the two regained their breath, they started badgering each other regarding their respective abilities to be able to walk into any country on the planet and make off with any child they choose.
Madge was having none of it; she drunkenly threw down the gauntlet to the Lara Croft star, challenging her to a dual of epic proportions.
A war of adoption, their target country, Africa, the whole damn continent and neither would rest until the land mass had been cleared. This was their oath and by crikey they have both got off to a flying start. No holds barred, as the two stars vie for dominance in increasing their brood of hand picked paupers from afar, anywhere from Mali to Madagascar.