As the German Pontiffuhrer, Benedict 16 tries to rush the sainting of Pius XII, experts on the history of WWII and the Holocaust are asking tough questions about Pius' impious apathy toward the extermination of millions of Jews and Catholics.
"As Pontiffurher I, Benedict 16 expect to be able to declare, dictate and be the decider of all things Catholic! If I say Pius iz in heaven then that iz ver he iz, period, exclamation point.! I know that when St Peter asked the WWII pope: 'Where are your papers?' Pius' portfolio was in order. After all, he was a good fascist which is almost as good as a Nazi. Take it from a Hitler Youth like me, I know an extreme righty when I see one"
Benedict is also ramrodding the canonization of the only Polish Pope. J2P2, the only robot to be bishop of Rome, has widespread support for his supposed defeat of Atheist Communism.
Of course, by now everyone, except George Will, knows that Reagan and John-Paul were just lucky bystanders as Soviet Communism collapsed under the weight of its own ridiculousness. Automaton J2P2 is accused by Devil's Advocate, Cardinal Lucifer Beelzebub of discriminating against women and gay persons.
Benedict defends the robo-pope by pointing out that Catholic Social teaching has only progressed to the early 20th century.