US President George Bush has started drinking heavily again. According to sources close to the White House, Mr Bush is knocking back up to three bottles of cheap sherry a day and has been seen in public parks in Washington, shouting at pigeons.
The leader of the free world, who openly admits to previously abusing alcohol, drugs and those hooter things that drunks at parties are often seen blowing is reported to have started quaffing again due to 'pressure at work'.
The recent high-profile publicity surrounding beleaguered Paul Wolfowitz, chief of the World Bank and executive director of 'Graspers-R-Us' has not helped Mr Bush's predicament. Mr Wolfowitz is facing calls to resign after admitting helping his partner win a promotion, huge pay rise and set of attractive cushions, normally only available to first-time buyers of the magazine 'Swindling Today'.
Mr Bush's close friends and relatives are rallying round the president. His favourite uncle, 'Flushed-Lush' Bush, himself an alcoholic, says that his nephew "desherves a liddle shympathy, youshe bums... Geddoutta here..."
His cousin, 'Hong Kong' Bush, a former cartoon character and erstwhile nonentity, is helping with the dishes while the president looks for cigarette ends and gets on public transport with no money. Bus drivers in the Washington area are said to have become fed up with Mr Bush, who frequently gets onto their vehicles with cartons of curry and refuses to stop singing.
Anyone affected by alcohol, drugs and the president can obtain help by contacting 'The World Bum Association' at We'veAllGotFleas.org