(New Brunswick, NJ) -- A Jet-lagged and clearly lost or mislaid Angelina Jolie, UN Special Envoy for Children, Leather goods, & pushUP Bras admitted she was a "tad befuddled" by all the goings-on in New Jersey, North Carolina, and Darfur but along with Bono, and HRH Harry she was trying to stay abreast and do her part.
Ms Jolie apologized (as is now the custom in New Jersey "The Sorry State") that when she offered to adopt the entire Rutgers' Women's Basketball Team, she was suffering from jet lag, celebrity guilt, and a quart-a-day Absolut habit. Ms. Jolie is only the most recent celeb to descend onto this quiet college community to share in the experience (and glare of media) since Don Imus's blah blah blah.
Rev Al Tawana Sharpton was a brave first responder, as was Rev Jessie Hymietown Jackson. Next were HRH Harry and newly single-but-randy HRH Wills from across the pond along with Pope Kaiser Wilhelm III in Santa suit ("No Mo HO HO HO", as reported in ThSpoof.com) and job-hunter Tony Blair. Then cam Obama, then Hillary, then, Mitt Romney the Varmint Hunter with his twin and huntin buddy, John Kerry.
Naturally Bono and other "cause" celebs followed, including ultimate cause celeb, and first-responder ho, Rudy Guliani with Berni Kickback Kerik & NJ Waste Management Businessman Tony Soprano providing security for the failed mayor and his 3 not-so-merry wives and estranged kids.
The glare and heat of all the TV lights is sure to heat up the local atmosphere attracting more unwanted attention of Al Gore and his Inconvenient Truth Squad. Naturally, everyone in The Sorry State apologized to everyone for everything. "Oh bother." sighed local resident Eeyore.