Kate Middleton, the girlfriend of Prince William, is, this morning, no longer the girlfriend of Prince William. The pair have packed each other in.
The couple's split is not unexpected, a row about the Prince looking too much like Prince Charles, having festered on for months.
Kate, still just 14, said in an interview with ginger-haired know-it-all BBC Royal correspondent Nicholas Witchell:
"It's scary. It's like kissing his dad! And he's too tall! Gross!"
Prince William was last night said by Palace officials to be "gutted", after learning that his tip for the Grand National today, "Wedding Ring", had pulled out of the race, due to jockey Camilla Barker-Powles having piles.
It had been hinted that the young lovers were planning an early engagement, but the Prince thought that he was "too young to get married" and, in any case, wasn't sure whether or not he liked boys better than girls.
The news comes at a difficult time for the Royals, with the other Prince, Harry I think his name is, out in Iraq on "active" service with his pals.
Contacted whilst in a harem outside Basra, the other Prince told a media scrum:
"Dash! That's rotten stinking luck! I hope he can find another one soon!"
The Queen, bless Her, was said to be "not amused", but has, anyway, plumped for the favourite, Joes Edge.
Fortunately, Prince Charles was unavailable for comment.