United States of America has officially declared war on Iran. A joint declaration from the White House and the Pentagon stated that as from 03:00 Mid Texan Time, the USA is at war with Iran.
President Bush will appear on all major television channels as soon as 'The Simpsons' has finished. The reasons for the announcement are sketchy at present but it appears he meant to go to war with the Middle Eastern country initially but mistook Iraq for Iran. It was a spelling mistake, said a White House flunky.
A general who did not wish to be identified (General 'Killemall' Abrahams) was quoted as saying that we made such a good job of Iraq 1 and 2, that this one will be a doddle. We have made mistakes in the past, including not firing enough ordinance and shooting around civilians. This time we will go for the jugular, no more Mr Niceguy. After all, what is the point of making all these weapons if you cannot use them.
All aggressive actions will cease in Iraq at noon local time said General Roswell, the Chief of Staff. We will be bussing the guys over the border and carrying on as usual. We have already received requests from the Iraqi Government for compensation but they can kiss my arse. The Ambassador for Baghdad confirmed this view and said they could kiss his arse as well, if they felt so inclined.
The Republican Party have already issued a communiqué supporting the action. It is a proud day to be American said Senator Ali Haaseef.