Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 10 April 2007

image for Royal Navy Bidding War Begins In Earnest
Half of the HMS Cornwall will cost you £300

A bidding war has begun after the Ministry of Defence last week gave the green light to the 15 Royal Navy personnel captured in Iranian waters, to sell their stories to the media.

Several newspapers, magazines and TV stations have been vying for the rights to the sailors' accounts of their terrifying ordeals, and to turn them into coffee table mush.

Faye Turkey, allegedly a "good gobbler", acted as "plaything" to Iranian leader Mahmoud Armadinnerlady, and was "stripped to her knickers". She is to be married to the despot in July, and has been talking to leading celebrity magazines with a view to selling the horrific photographic evidence of the event.

But it's not only the stories that have been for sale.

Sotheby's are to hold a special one-off event to auction-off some of the clothing worn by the former hostages.
Captain Chris Air's beret, which he wore during his TV appearance, and Arthur Batchelor's underpants, which he shat during his capture, are part of the exclusive collection.

Other items have surfaced on eBay. Some of the tracksuits seen in the 'Chess pictures' are available, and Faye Turkey's 'tea towel' headgear sold for £150.

Navy High Command had to step in though, when one eagle-eyed lookout spotted an advert in the Exchange & Mart offering the HMS Cornwall to the highest bidder over £25.

Admiral Sir Dwithers Poopdeck told The Spoof! "Selling a ship? Unbelievable. It's so undignified, so tacky."

Earlier this year, sections of the rope used to hang Saddam Hussein were being snapped up on the Internet, with lengths that actually touched his filthy beard selling for as much as £20.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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