Written by matthatt
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Topics: Jesus, Easter

Sunday, 8 April 2007

image for Jesus returns in time for Easter! Causes kerfuffle.
What did they expect me to look like? Im not a W.A.S.P!

The White House have requested that Jesus Christ should pop in to the Guantanomo Bay leisure facility for a little chat about his activities in the middle east since his arrival back on the planet. Apparently, he spent just over a month wandering around in the wilderness, completely unattended.

The US government takes a very dim view of this kind of behavior, links with Al Qaeda have been suspected.

The returning Son of God (Yeshua, to his close friends) is reported to have said, "there is no longer any need for the established church or global political systems" and continued by saying "these things are detrimental to the wellbeing of the people of Earth"

A statement released from Rome has made it quite clear that they are also unhappy with Mr. Christ and want him to refrain from spreading his message promoting individualism. He was reported to have said, "a personal relationship with God is more healthy than any relationship with a Roman Catholic priest"

Shock and hullabaloo also greeted the return of the worlds savior from the bible belt in America, due to Jesus looking a little too swarthy for their taste.

Ricky-Joey-Joebob Rougeducou said "Aah don't believe it man, ah reckoned he would look like Willem Dafoe, not freaking Osama Bin Laden!"

Bobbi-Sue Basdepage is equally shocked: "He ain't even got blue eyes for Christ's sake, what's that all about?

Socially conservative Christian Evangelical Protestants are also not happy with his colour and are seeking a court injunction to have his skin lightened by Michael Jacksons skin care specialist.

Barbara Uptight-Huffington told our reporter "It's not that we don't want to be seen worshipping him, but what would the neighbors say?" She continued by saying "imagine trying to get him in at the golf club. Everyone would have a fit if I started introducing someone calling himself Yeshua. I had to get the pool boy, Raymond, to take the 'O' off the end of his name, as it makes my mouth hurt to say funny words"

At the time of going to press, Yeshua was unavailable for comment, but a statement released late last night indicated that he will be submitting a report of his findings to his superiors, who will then be taking action based upon what he has experienced.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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