April 07, 2007 (London) - It's been revealed UN chief Bank di-money has been arrested immediately after securing a breakthrough on the thorny issue of Darfur, Sudan but the 'deal' went sour.
We can reveal that Bank, yet to get his feet under the table as the world's top diplomat, sensationally offered Sudan's President Bashir 100MT of cocaine in exchange for humanitarian access and a multinational peacekeeping force. Having shared a 'line or two' with Omar (to confirm the quality) he was immediately arrested as he stepped out of a lodge in Malakal.
UN SG Bank 'cuts the deal' with Sudan's Omar al-Beshir.
Intelligence sources confirm Bank's source was his college chum Kim Jong's Ill.
MI6 speaking through the BBC's former Gerry Adams voiceover man confirmed "we've known about this for a while but the murky world of geopolitics meant we had to cut deals elsewhere". The source added "We needed north Korea's signature on the nuclear reduction deal, so we allowed the shipment to pass into the UN system."
He continued "the shipment transited UN's HQ (the big pagoda) direct to Khartoum then to Malakal."
Bank, said to be on a 15% kickback recently touched down at Guantanamo bay and has been secured to Terry Waite's radiator recently "liberated" by Mossad.
A spokesman for Prime Minister Blair said "Tough on Crime, tough on the causes of crime!"
Bush's spokesman echoed to a triumphant press hall "We got him!"
With Beshir was too high to comment, UN staff worldwide were said to be "gutted."