Pyongyang - (Sinster Press): Legendary German rabbit breeder Karl Szmolinsky is said to be inconsolable today following reports that the twelve giant bunnies he sold to North Korea's Kim Jong Very Ill's specialist breeding program may have ended up in a vivisection clinic.
"Or even worse, as part of the country's Guinness Book of Records bid to find the world's most prolific cigarette smoking rabbits in captivity," Szmolinsky told reportewrs last night.
The prestigeous annual competition sponsored by American Tobacco Industries carries a wacking great big prize of $20 million for the 60+ a day smoking rabbit to survive for over a year on premium low tar brands destined for the Asian markets.
"I was told they were being kept at a zoo in the capital Pyongyang and was going to visit at Easter.
"But now I think they're all dead from nicotine poisoning. Or botched surgery attempts to retrieve foreign objects wedged inside their privates after a hideous drunken orgy on the occasion of Kim Jong Very Ill's recent birthday party."
The huge rabbits are prized for growing as big as dogs and for their voracious sexual appetites which virtually guarantee six litters a year.
But their cute furry buts may have proved too much of a temptation for the North Korean animal experimenters as they toasted their Dear Leader's birthday according to traditional local rites.