BRUSSELS, Belgium -- Scientists and diplomats finished frenetic negotiations today about the wording of a report warning the world that global warming may catastrophically change the shape of the Earth.
According to an official representative from the Brussels conference the most shocking finding to emerge from the talks is that the earth is in the process of becoming flat like it used to be in ancient times. Dr. Sung Atuun, chairman of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) says there is little dispute about the science, although some disagree about whether their research will be accepted by the world since it was conducted only on computers and while the members of the research team were under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs.
The final draft of the report, obtained last week by TheSpoof.com, has 200 chapters, several supplements, 4,300 images, 640 graphs, 7 summaries and totals 111,572 pages.
"Our goal is to make the document as vague as possible without ever imparting any information that can be compared to actual data," said Oyvind Christofersen, head of the Norwegian delegation as senior cleric for climate and energy. "The challenge is to make a big, big report that no one will ever read. The biggest hurdle we face is how to create new funding and institutionalized tax burdens before people figure out that global warming is a bad theory based on pseudo-science and perpetuated only by those with a political agenda"