Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 5 April 2007

image for "French High-Speed Train Stinks Of Garlic" Say Trainspotters
That must be the 9:27 from Paris

A new train in France has broken the World Land Speed record previously held by recently-dead BBC Top Gear nutcase, Richard Hamster.
The train, the TGV, recorded a speed of more than 4000 miles per hour on a stretch of track between Paris and somewhere else insignificant, and can go faster, say trainspotters .

TGVs, or Total Garlic Vehicles, are powered by a genetically-modified form of garlic, known as G-force, which generates 310,000 volts af raw power per clove - enough to achieve Light Speed if the correct amount of the pungent plant is used.
The train is also coated in a film of garlic, which serves to 'cloak' it from its enemies.

The downside of this, is that the train stinks.

Even French people, not normally bothered by foul odours, have complained bitterly about the pong.

"It iz, 'ow you say, sting-king lak a Arab's sandole", quipped Jacques Zidane, who lives in a slum on the outskirts of Paris.

Another trainspotter, Madeleine Sweat, who has really hairy armpits, said:

"Zey should remove ze onions from around ze driver's cab. It iz, 'ow we say, stupide."

The French authorities say the onions strewn around the drivers enclosure are typically French and give the train character, and that they will remain a feature.

Pascal Frogge, of state train company SNCF, said:

"We French all stink, so a sting-king train iz 'ardly a problem, iz it?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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