Fox News revealed today that the tsunami (tidal wave) that struck the Solomon Islands in the South Pacific was caused by an earthquake. According to newsman Bill O'Reilly, the cause of that earthquake was Rosie O'Donnell body surfing while vacationing on nearby Fiji.
Donald Trump was quick to back up these allegations, reporting that his private whaling ship, The Blubber Butt Buster, had spotted the comedienne/actress/talk show hostess/dyke on the shore (where crew had assumed that she was beached).
A British aircraft carrier patrolling the waters was called in and she was quickly harpooned and drug out to sea, kicking and screaming all the way. She was eventually saved when a ship from Greenpeace intervened and cut the ropes. One hour after boarding their ship, however, they put her on a liferaft, tied it on with a 200 foot rope, and begin pulling her from as great a distance as they could.
Her co-hosts at The View were sorry to hear of her circumstances, but were happy as this meant that they would get more airtime during her recovery. They also felt that there would be less controversy surrounding their show during this period.