Berlin, Germany- This week environmental scientists at a world convention on global warming announced a shocking discovery they have.
Global warming is not being caused by fossil fuel emissions, or even any other form of artificial emissions. The source of global warming, according to these scientists, is much closer to home. In fact, some of you may have several of these sources in your home. This mysterious "source" that is causing the planet to warm up? Overweight and obese children.
It has been know for years, possibly ever since the first cave man ate an extra large helping of beans, that certain foods can be linked to high rates of flatulence. Equally as well know is the perchance that most overweight and obese children have for eating these same types of food. The breakthrough came in linking the rising number of overweight and obese children with the rising trend in global warming.
Gunther Fluffenutter of Germany, head of the assembled scientists explains, "The children eat the foods heavy in fat, sugar, and grease. It is well known that these foods are good for causing the "farfegnugen" as we like to cause." Ignoring the rolled eyes of those around him he continued, "However, no one has ever really studied the little ones gas. I mean, who would want to? Anyways, one day we were watching CNN and Oprah on picture in picture, and it hits us. What if the little butterball on Oprah with the uncontrolable farts could be the cause of the global warming on CNN?"
Fluffenutter went on to explain how his team went about backing up their theory. It basically boiled down to them making the interns google to see if there was a correlation between the rising number of overweight and obese children and the rise of global warming. There was. When asked what he and his team were going to do to decrease or even reverse this effect on global warming, Fluffenutter commented that they were doing nothing. They, he said, were rather going to simply enjoy the longer periods of warm weather. He then stepped out from behind the podium to reveal he was wearing a pair of capri pants and sandals with socks. 47 people were taken to the hospital.