Vatican Shitty - (Ass Mess): Pope Ratzinger's personal right-hand woman and Teutonic valkyrie minder Sister Ingrid Stampa has said it is a miracle that her piles have been cured by the Holy Father's very own healing hands.
As a result the change in her bowel movements has been so radical that she is campaigning for offical recognition of the miracle and Ratzinger's canonization as a living God.
Stampa has offered to show the press the mind-blowing proof of her bodily changes.
"Once they hanged down like bunches of grapes in the midday sun," Stampa told the Corriere della Cosa Nostra newspaper in Rome.
"But now they have gone! Even poking around inside with rubber gloves on results in absolutely nothing being found. It's a miracle!"
Stampa has asked the World Health Organization to verify her miraculous healing. So far there have been no volunteers to fathom those bottomless depths that the medical world would have to probe before Papa Ratzi can be proven a saint.
"I'll find somebody medically qualified for the job. It's time the whole world saw what my miracle looks like."