Tehran Hilton: Dear Ma and Pa, I'm here with some Navy pals enjoying traditional Iranian hospitality after the Sat-Nav went wonky in the Shitt El-Arab. Typical, hey!
But don't you worry about me, we're being treated. Like honored guests, three meals a day. Plenty of bodily fluids.
The locals are SO friendly. I've half a mind to buy a holiday let. Then the whole family could spend each August here, relaxing in the pleasant atmosphere and spreading goodwill.
Everybody's so compassionate and warm that we're ever so sorry. Even though it wasn't our own fault. Cheap Navy equipment got us into hot water, no pun intended.
Please don't worry about me, everything's fine.
I've writen an apology to the Iranian people on behalf of our government. We really shouldn't tresspass like we own the place. Not even next door in that Iraqi place.
Kindest regards and all my love,