Vatican - (ReUterus): Pope Ratzinger has told his weekly audience that he is facing eternal damnation and will be joining the likes of his predecessor Pope JP2, Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Ronald Reagan "and just about all the members of the Bush family" when he dies.
"Hell is a real place where we sinners will burn in everlasting fire," he said.
"What's more it's not just for religious people or politicians, although 99% of hell is reserved for these professions. There's still plenty of room for bank managers, cowboy builders, shyster lawyers and reality TV contestants."
The Pope's words are seen as a sweetener ahead of his traditional Easter message which could well be his last according to Vatican astrologers who are threatening to go on strike rather than endure "more Teutonic crap" from the Hitler Youth throwback who many feel is now long past his sell-by.
"We see trouble in his natal chart and have taken advantage of excellent odds offered by Aintgottaprayer.com that Ratzi will be summoned home permanently by the boss on Good Friday this year," said an aide.
That would be Friday 6 April, at 6/4FAV.