Written by Tom Taylor
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Friday, 23 March 2007

image for Jane Austen Gets a Makeover, Sex Beats Sensibility.
The life and times of Jane Austen... supermodel! Publisher Proud of Prejudice.

Jane Austen's life is about to be a book and, naturally, the novelist will be appearing on the front cover. However the face behind some of the world's most-loved books has been deemed unable to sell them.

The Publisher of the memoir, Wordsworth Editions, has decided to 'sex her up' by adding makeup and hair extensions.

"Look, I don't want to offend any feminists out there..." said Helen Trayler of Wordsworth, "... but Mr. Darcy wouldn't have given this chick a second look. She's just dog-ugly. So, we decided the best way to start the true book of her life was to lie on the front cover."

Colin Firth was asked to look at the original picture, with his insight into Mr Darcy, and to give an honest opinion.

"They say you can't judge a book by it's cover. But how can you not when the woman was so clearly covered with ugliness?" Said Firth.

According to the publisher, 'Plain Jane' Austen may not have approved of these changes to her image but that's all right... because she's dead.

Trayler said one of the main goals of the book was to try to make Austen more accessible to men.

"In the second edition, we're thinking Jane Austen will have larger breasts and be wearing a bikini... there may even be a hint of nipple."

- Tom Taylor

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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