SECRET LOCATION, SOMEWHERE - It is now being reported that it was martial-arts actor Chuck Norris who located Saddam Hussein and flushed him out of that spider hole.
Norris is best known for his roles in "behind enemy lines POW" genre movies as well as the tough cowboy law enforcer on the critically acclaimed and wildly popular television series Walker Texas Ranger.
What's interesting is that the actor was working on his own accord and nobody from any of the armed forces knew he was there. "He's like a ghost," said one US commander. "Amazing guy, that Norris."
"I got tired of waiting," pronounced a masculinely confident Chuck. "So I came over here and took care of business myself, hot dang it."
Here's the sequence of events:
- Norris drops into Iraq at an undisclosed location from his own private black helicopter.
- Within 36 hours locates Hussein's hiding place by seducing Iraqi women for intelligence.
- Blasts broadcasts of his movies and TV show down into the "bung hole," as he calls it, which forces the dictator out within approximately six and a half hours.
- Norris poses for pictures with hussein, signs autographs, and goes back to seducing Iraqi women.
He was last seen running across the desert headed for the Afghanistan border yelling something about Bin Laden and Afghani women being next on his list.