Tuscany - (Ass Press): The arcane viticultural mysteries of the world famous Tuscan grape-growing region came a step closer today to proving their fabled ancient osteoporosis curing properties with the discovery of a prehysteric five million year old whale fossil under the vineyards of Castello Banfi.
The archaeological find has prompted one seasoned connoisseur to opine that the "unassuming little vintage has just a hint of dead whale that never overwhelms the fruity overtones."
The vineyard's owner Cristina Mariani also farms an exclusive breed of milk cows on the lower slopes beyond her vineyard.
Some of the cream from her herd will now go towards home-made ice cream which she will be marketing under new brand names including Jawberry, Sharkelet and Finilla.
How the whale ever got to the Tuscan vineyard remains a mystery.
Local hysterians have suggested that it might have got lost in the Adriatic on day and felt thirsty after detecting the heady aroma of the Montalcino grapes.
"Maybe it was a case of one bottle too many plus the notorious Tuscan midday sun," said Professor Prosecco.
"But what a way to go!"