BERLIN -- Animal rights activists are demanding that a polar bear born last December at the Berlin Zoo, rejected by its mother and depending on humans to be raised, be killed. They claim Knut's cuteness is against his own animal rights and that the "animal protection code" prevents the hand rearing of animals.
"Obviously, being raised by humans is literally a fate worse than death, so we must kill it," said noted animal rights activist and internationally known loony Pamela Anderson.
As one might expect, animals didn't see it that way.
Smokey the Bear, speaking on behalf of the young cub, said, "Only you can prevent these idiots killing my cousin."
Winnie the Pooh, taking a short break from his honey pot, said, "Oh bother. When will the animal rights group learn to stop jerking their knees and using their brains."
Papa Bear was incensed. "I can tell you this much, if it was my baby bear they were talking about killing, I might not stop 'em, but I'd take a few of 'em with me," he growled menacingly.
Yogi Bear was near tears. "I look at Knut, and all I can see is little Booboo."
Gentle Ben seemed to sum up the mood of all the animals. "It's your ability to think that separates humans from animals. Funny how so many of you refuse to use that capacity." The look on his face suggested he didn't see anything funny about it at all.