Now that the 9/11 Mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has been captured, President George W. Bush announced at a press conference that the world is now safe and secure and the war against terrorism has ended.
"From what I understand", "Bush said, "Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was responsible for all terrorist activities from 9/11 to train bombings and that shoe bomber guy and may have played a role in the death of Elvis and the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa. Now that he has been captured, the world is safe and Americans can enjoy their TV viewing and video game playing without fear of being attacked by terrorists".
Many of the reporters at the press conference seemed baffled that even Bush could be that clueless. However, few were willing to say anything because they had been invited to the press conference by the President and were afraid of losing their jobs. One unidentified reporter did ask Bush if this meant the end of Homeland Security.
"Are you kidding?" Bush replied. "It's Homeland Security that makes this world a safe place from people like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. It's because we have eliminated free speech, stifled religious groups, tapped email and intercepted peoples phones that we are a free country."
Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff defended Bush's position. "Our organization has led to the revitalization of America", Chertoff explained. "From our activities we have stopped over 398,987 terrorist activities from ever occurring. Most of these activities would have never been noticed if not for us. But now we have the culprit of all these activities, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed behind bars, the world can breath a sigh of relief for at least a few minutes".
Bush later explained that it is important we continue to bomb Iraq and Afghanistan "just in case" there are other terrorists out there.
"There is a chance that there may be others involved", said Vice President Dick Cheney.