Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Friday, 16 March 2007

image for Sweet smelling butts means big bucks for John Paul Gaultier.
Brown nosing need not be a chore any longer.

Farting! letting rip! Squeezing the cheese! These are all different ways to describe passing wind, a totally natural but sometimes embarrassing bodily function that has been the butt of jokes the world over. Well, it seems no more as John Paul Gaultiers Fashion House prepares to launch the worlds first designer fragrance to be worn on the inside and emitted by passing wind.

Major Celebrities and Hollywood stars have reportedly jammed the switchboard at the French designers Head Office wanting to get advance shipments of the new product.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, David Beckham and Posh, Nicole Kidman, Snoop, 50 Cent, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are all rumoured to be front runners to be the face, or should that be the arse of the new fragrance.

Professor Flat Ulence at the University of celebrity fragrances in California explained "The new perfume works in the same way as a breath freshener, simply pop one of the gel pills in your mouth and swallow, the pill reacts with the enzymes in the stomach and a chemical reaction takes place leaving all the users' farts sweet smelling and inoffensive. We believe that we can make farting a pleasurable, even socially acceptable experience"

Estee Lauder, Christian Dior, Chanel and the Avon Ladies are all frantic trying to get the secret recipe but have all been told "Kees ma arse - eet smells bootiful"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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