TEHRAN -- Iranian officials lashed out at Hollywood in the wake of the release of "300," an epic film depicting the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 B.C. "Hollywood declares war on Iranians" screamed the headline in the state-run newspaper Ayandeh-No.
Abdul al Jihad bin Rachminishad, Iranian Minister of Destroying the Western World, took time out from his tour of terrorist training camps to denounce the U.S. for presenting Persian history as war-like and imperialistic. "If Cyrus the Great were alive today, we'd conquer the world and kick your pasty white asses!"
Mahmoud Jazeera el Kabong, speaking on the condition of anonymity, called for a fatwa against "300" director Zach Snyder and writer Frank Miller, and Barry De Vorzon.
President Bush, asked to comment on the furor, said, "You mean the Battle of Thermonopoly really happened?"
Sylvester Stallone, upon hearing that Hollywood had declared war, immediately covered his body in camo paint and destroyed a small, northwestern U.S. town.