Vatican City - (Ass Press): Panic in the Vatican about some sordid 25 year old child molesting sex secrets now emerging in the God's Banker murder trial of Roberto Calvi has sent Russian President Vlad The Impaler Putain hotfoot to the Pope's orifice today to see his birth father and the mastermind behind the Osama Bin Ladin fantasy.
Putain was one of the P2 Lodge's key moneylaundering figures in the 1980s and along with George W Bush and Tony Blair was hired by the Vatican to spearhead global terror under the localised brand names of the IRA, Bader Meinhof, the Red Brigade, ETA, FARC, Hamas, PFLP, Carlos the Jackal, the Yorkshire Ripper etc.
But he was a wanker and got busted in London by Special Branch who found his little red contact book, all the offshore bank account numbers and his payment record from the Osteoporosis division of the US's Skull 'N' Bones and the UK's Hellfire Club.
That's a bit of hystery for you.
At that time Joseph Ratzinger was being blackmailed by Calvi about the supply of pre-pubsecent boys as sex slaves to the Curia. The KGB ordered him to silence his accuser, who co-incidentally had robbed the Vatican Bank of more than £400 million on Ratzinger's personal orders.
All this was conveniently whitewashed over by Margaret Thatcher and Ronnie Raygun's Veep Bush1.
UK Police went along for a while with the fantasy that Calvi 'suicided imself' and closed any murder investigation.
But new forensic evidence in 2003 reopened the inquiry and sent a shockwave of panic among re-invented P2 Lodge members who had by then slimed their way as bona fide Global Piss Process luminaries into public high office.
Frantic damage limitation exercises last year resulted in the UK Plutonium 210 poisoning of KGB turncoat Alex Litvinenko.
And former Mossad operative who couldn't keep his orifice shut, Tzuriel Refael, was found in distressing, drunken S&M circumstances two weeks ago after George W Bush ordered his removal from the diplomatic circuit ahead of his Latin American crack dealers tour last week.
Litvinenko's poisoning was the direct result of hysteric wobblies by UK Secretary of State for Vultures, Mediocrity and Spots Secretary Tessa Jowl about her estranged husband - the shyster lawyer David 'Dark Satanic' Mills - being indicted on corruption charges with Italian PM Sylvia Berloose-Connie.
Mills' attempts to communicate with Putain have been thwarted by UK spooks who have nevertheless set up a covert sting op luring Putain on an official state visit to Ratzi at the same time as the Mills/Berlusconi fraud trial opens in Rome.
As they dine together at the Sistine Chapel's Last Chance Saloon and Burger Deli toight, Putain and Ratzi are hellbent on increasing their stranglehold over the gaggers who ensured that the God's Banker killing remained a mysterious suicide for over a quarter of a century.
Meanwhile in London, Inspector Knacker of the Yard is beaming broadly as the Met's Fraud Squad reviews its damning evidence that can send Prime Mobster Tony Blair and his brother Lord Levy to Traitor's Gate by the end of the week.
The Rev Pat Robertson is 73.