Washington, DC- In a surprise move, President Bush, during his South American tour, announced that the United States would be cutting funding for Plan Columbia. Plan Columbia, a joint drug reduction program with ally Columbia, in which the United States has invested billions of dollars over the past ten years, will see its funding from the United States cut in half over the next year.
At first, Anti- Drug War activists and human rights groups praised President Bush for cutting funding to a program that opponents say has hurt the Columbian ecosystem and small farmers through its use of herbicide spraying. However, reports leaked from the White House suggest that President Bush's move was not motivated by human and environmental rights concerns, but rather by his recent inability to "score good blow." According to Washington insiders, President Bush, an alleged drug abuser, has been disappointed with his supply of skunk coke. After inquiring about this with various staffers, Bush was advised that the best cocaine comes from Columbia, but that Plan Columbia was disrupting the best goods from being delivered.
President Bush, who reportedly initially believed that Plan Columbia was a college loan program with Columbia University, decided to cut the funding after a mediocre score of blow from his regular dealer over the weekend.