Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 10 March 2007

image for "Racism? I Was In The Army!" Storms Mercernary
Mercernary feels Der Fuhrer has made him a scapegoat

Patrick Mercernary, the ex-Tory minister at the centre of the disgraceful racism allegations, spoke out yesterday against his sacking by Conservative leader David Camelot.

"They weren't disgraceful", said Mercernary, adding "it's just how we Tories speak."

Mercernary, a soldier by trade, feels let down by his Fuhrer.

"When I call someone a 'fat bastard', a 'ginger bastard', or a 'black bastard', I'm not saying that in a derogatory way. I really admire fat, ginger blokes.
You have to understand, I was in the Army for more than sixty years, and now I'm a Tory. That doesn't happen without throwing around some colourful language!"

Mercernary wasn't without support. Private Kunte Kinte, who shone Mercernary's shoes for nearly twenty years, whilst serving in the Black Drag Queens Guards, leapt to the defence of his former Commanding Officer:

"Mercernary no racist", he bumbled.

Nifty Welshman, Colin Jackson, who likes jumping over fences, was once in the Army himself, and felt it necessary to voice his opinion, saying:

"He's not a disgraceful racist. He's a very good one."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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