Written by matthatt
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Monday, 5 March 2007

image for The Russians are coming!
(Sushi pictured probably not poisened)

Following the shooting of Mr Paul Joyal, a critic of Vladimir Putin, and the death of ex KGB officer Alexander Litvinenko, there has been wide spread panic that no one is safe from the long arm of the Russian hit men.

Dorothy Random of Wooten Drive, Carshalton is deeply worried. She ate some sushi a few weeks back that she purchased from her local Tesburies. She remembered that, at the time, a shadowy, dark, swarthy, slightly communist looking man was hanging around the shop and looking shifty and just the day before she had been saying to her neighbour how terrible it was that nice young man had been poisoned for saying the Russian President looked like a character from Harry Potters book about witches. She said she had read it on the internet or the web, she couldn't remember clearly which one.

More dramatic scenes were being played out on the steps of all saints' church in Snewsbury on Wimple yesterday as a 34 year old man was found to be attempting to gain entry to the church at 3am. Upon questioning, he assured officers that he was just requiring sanctuary from persecution by the Russian government due him not liking them very much "what with how they did what they did and them not being very nice nor nothing". His trial starts Tuesday week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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