Pizza maker and Italian cooking connoisseur Ugli Aswhitey is beginning to doubt if God is the pizza specialist that Earth should trust after Volcano Stromboli erupted Wednesday Morning, spewing gooey cheese and sausage all over the countryside.
"I make the strombolis all my life, never let one erupt. God makes one stromboli, BOOM!, it erupts." said Asswhitey on Wednesday.
Are God's heat management skills at fault?
"You'd think if the guy was omniscient he would know to let the damn stromboli breathe."
According to Christopher Bowell, leader of the Bowell (Irish Catholic) Movement, that was not the case at all.
"Let's keep in mind that there was a Maury Povich marathon this morning on the CW, and everyone knows the big man loves him some paternity tests. He waits till Maury announces the verdict and then shouts 'No - I'm the Father, I'm the Father!'. How is God supposed to pay attention to all of his cooking projects when Maury's on?" said Bowell.