An extremely distressed Karen Grimley (45) telephoned The Spoof this morning reporting that she had "seen into oblivion."
Embittered, pessimistic mother of two, Grimley, recalled her experience of walking her dog on a hill on the outskirts on Hull City at 7am this morning. Grimley lost sight of the canine as she approached the City curtilage. Family pet 'Mope', a six year old king- Charles- Spaniel rescued by Grimley last year, was seen to "fall into the empty darkness of eternity" according to the owner.
"I looked over the hill to where Hull City once sat and, at once, saw into my soul; I could see line after line of burnt- out cars, twisted wretches of men and women scrambling at the ground and felt a definite sense of vacant wrongness. I realised that Hull was where the world must end; beyond here lays the unknown ambiguity of the universe."
Claims that she might have been "a little over- dramatic" by Hull City Council representative, Simon Pedant, were flatly denied by Grimley:
"I know what I saw; I had a glimpse at the truth of Hull City".
Pedant informed the Council's Dog Warden who found 'Mope' in a disused caravan relieving herself against some plastic garden furniture. "She didn't see eternity or any of that other nonsense she's spouting. She saw Hull and we're very proud of our City. Reeeeet proud, lad".
Reunited with pet and reassured that Hull City didn't represent 'a- walk- on- the- wild- side' with Lucifer, Karen Grimley returned home to Wakefield to regale her family and friends with an account of:
"One of the shittiest, shitty, shit- holes I have ever seen".