Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 24 February 2007

image for Tiger Mauls Girl to Death at China Zoo
Tiger Woods ate Chinese after the Peking Open

A six year old girl was bitten and mauled to death in a China zoo while having her picture taken with a supposedly tame and trained Tiger. Apparently, the flash of the camera startled him and he lunged for girl and bit her head.

Spokesmen for Tiger Woods and the PGA were shocked and appalled at the attention that the story has received. "Of course it was wrong for a professional golfer to try to eat a child, but are we really sure that was his motivation? I mean, she could have said Jack Nicklaus or Arnold Palmer were better and upset him first, or something," said Mark Poloshirts of the U.S. Open.

Hank Caddy of the International Golfer's Pro Tour, which sponsored Tiger's visit to China, was also upset. "Look, you've got to remember that Tiger is a great golfer, but he isn't the smartest man on the planet. He's been eating chinese food for years, and told that much of the meat in it was actually raw. How was he supposed to know that Chinese food was not real Chinese?"

From his cell in a Peking prison, Woods said that he felt that, while the girl was tender, she could have used a little soy sauce.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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