Mr T, the larger-than-life actor that played BA Baracus in the A-Team, is on his way to Iraq to take on the role of Prince Harry's bodyguard.
His services were secured by Buckingham Palace officials after it was announced by the Army yesterday, that Prince Harry's cowardly behaviour would be tolerated no longer, and that he was, at last, to be sent to serve his country in The Land Of Doom.
Although the Prince is only eight years old, he has always enjoyed being a soldier, and his father was eager for him to enlist into the easy life of an Officer shouting orders from behind a desk. Now, that the gloves have come off, though, the boot is on the other foot, so to speak.
Retired British Army Field Marshal Richard Head, 91, told The Spoof earlier:
"The lad's bottled it! He should have stayed at home playing with his train set. These kids of today! They think a life in the Army is all about seeing the world and having a good time! Children should be seen and not heard! Etc etc etc."
Mr T, meanwhile, is said to be excited about his new position. Speaking through a translator, he said that he would "look after the kid" and "make sho' no harm come da him".
Asked to predict what he would do if anyone tried to interfere with him doing his job, he resurrected Clubber Lang's words from Rocky 3, when he said: "Prediction? Pain."
Prince Harry is thought to be pleased about the choice of bodyguard, although he had never seen Mr. T in action, his bedtime until very recently having been 8 o'clock.
The actor should have been in Iraq already, but due to an extreme aversion to flying, he will not arrive until next month. The Army High Command has ordered 3 million gallons of milk for the star, who is a teetotaller.
Despite having been sidelined by ill-health for some years, Sgt Baracus was in the US Army Special Forces, and only went on the run when he and the rest of the A-Team were accused of "a crime they didn't commit".