Written by King David
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Friday, 23 February 2007

image for Britney Spears practicing Buddhism and non-attachment to hair consults mentor the Dali Lama
The Himalaya Mountains in Nepal where Britney consulted her mentor the Dali Lama about life

Britney Spears, who has recently been making strides to turn her life around, admitted today that shaving her head and pubic hair was part of her Buddhist spiritual training.

"I'm trying to live the life of non-attachment," the weary Spears said. "I want to become a Buddha."

A Buddha, according to Wilikipedia, in the generic sense, is a person who discovers the true nature of reality through lifetimes of spiritual cultivation, investigation of various religious practices and meditation.

Recently, Spears took a flight on Spread Eagle Airlines to Nepal to visit her mentor, the Dali Lama. He gave her four thoughts to meditate on:

1.The first thought was that everyone, every artist in the world was born to suffer.

2.The second was that everything in the world is subject to impermanence, even youth, good looks, popularity and hair.

3.The third was that the human personality, "soul", or Self, is a conventional appellation, or grape arbor where vats of wine are stirred and each individual soul is squished beneath the feet of migrant laborers with athletes foot.

4.And the fourth was peace, or Nirvana and assured the impressionable Spears that Nirvana was not only the name of a West coast grunge band from Seattle, but also a Buddist mark of existence.

"These are the four marks of existence," he said, "suffering (dukkha), impermanence (anicca) and non-Self (anatta) and peace (Nirvana)."

"I want to fly to Bodhi," said the impetuous Spears. "Then I will be awakened from this nightmare I call my life."

Bodhi is a little town in Italy where all the food is grown and produced locally without pesticide and there are no cars to ride in and pollute the air.

Spears began practicing non-attachment back in November after filing for divorce from her husband, Kevin Federline. Recently, the distraught Spears took an American Spread Eagle flight to Nepal to consult with her mentor the Dali Lama about her life.

"He told me to shave everything, even my career," the beleaguered Spears said. "He said it was too fast and would end up killing me and taking me away from my boys. He advised me to just put my money in a savings account and live off the interest. I think that I'm going to take his advice."

In other news today, a cameraman broke his ankle today trying to follow Britney Spears on her path to enlightenment through a rough passage in the Himalaya Mountains on her way to Nepal.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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