Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 16 February 2007

image for Chinese Year of the Golden Pig will crown its most famous porkers
Gilt-edged fag-hag Camilla

Chinatown - (Rioters): This weekend's celebrations of the Chinese lunar new year will see the crowning of awesome success for those born under the Pig sign as a sixty-year cycle ushers in the year of the Golden Pig.

Those lucky porkers in the spotlight include Arnold Schwarzenegger, Woody Allen, Elton John and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Also the Pretender's consort Camilla Barker Proles, who is viewed as more of a gilt-edged fag-hag swine than a 24 carat Gloucester Old Spot.

And now political spread betting index Aintgottaprayer.com is warning punters to go easy on investing in those pork scrachings futures by reminding the betting public to expect plenty of natural disasters this lunar year:

"Don't expect to bring home the bacon by backing these golden pigs, most are due for the knacker's yard".

Meanwhile Feng Shui consultants are expecting a bumper year as the ancient Chinese art of extracting megabux from the gullible by persuading them to rearrange the furniture goes into Golden Pig overdrive.

One prosperous Hong Kong advisor has told clients that his get rich quick schemes for health, harmony and prosperity will flourish under the Golden Pig as even more far fetched scenarious around eye-catching dates, numbers, ridiculous house designs and object placements are reinvented to meet growing public demand.

"Just remember that Ronald Reagan was the ultimate Golden Pig as you watch his porkies flounder after the first of the year's lunar eclipses from 4th March onwards".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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