Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 14 February 2007

image for Blair's Big Brother says Forest Gate Fiasco was Beard-based
Look closely. What's that in his beard?

An independent inquiry into the Forest Gate Fiasco has unearthed some shocking hairy undercurrents of racism, and provided new insight into the workings of Britain's Police Force.

Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Ian Blair, who is the PM's older brother, sanctioned the raid by 2,500 officers on the home of Abul Koyair and Mohammed Abdulkahar in June 2006, when it was alleged the two were planning to carry out terrorist activities.

It has since emerged that the intelligence gathered on the two amounted to nothing more than that they had "bushy beards".

Yesterday, during Prime Minister's question time, Tony Blair said the report from Lord Chief Injustice Terry Whiplash concluded that intelligence given to police by the Security Services was "hype, exaggeration, rumours and guesswork", and that the mens bushy beards had been a key factor in their arrest.

PC Alfred Hitchcock of Forest Gate police, said: "They 'ad bald 'eads but long bushy beards. You could've 'ad a brood of chaffinches livin' in there! They was obviously terrorists!"

Detective Jack Regan of the Flying Squad, said: "Jesus, Guv! They looked like their 'eads was on upside down!"

But Muslims leapt to the defence of the bearded ones. Yusuf Islam, who used to be Cat Slater in EastEnders, and before that Cat Stevens, said: "The beard is a symbol of Islam. The longer the better. They can be used for storing trinkets or for concealing explosive devices."

Sir Ian, for his part, said: "Those beards were long, and bushy. They are still growing. Since you have been reading this report, they will have grown a further 6cm. They are unstoppable. We must all be extra vigilant."

TV presenter Cat Deeley said "It's outrageous!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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