Isle of Sheppy, United Kingdom - Tony Blair said today that the United Kingdom is to become the eighth continent of the world, cementing his legacy as a world player. He made the announcement on the small island just off the English coast, which one would deduce is symbolic of the relatively small island of the UK becoming a continent. In a press conference with the BBC, invited by Blair, he made his announcement.
My days as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom are limited. I have failed as a Prime Minister - I have let crime, immigration, prison reform, teenage pregnancy, benefit fraud, tax rises, education, the National Health Service, my cabinet ministers and my wife all get out of control.
I have failed as the President of the European Union. I have failed as George Bush's poodle. I have failed as a Middle East Peace negotiator. I have been on a gravy train of the British stupidity to continually re-elect me as Prime Minister and the Labour party too gutless to ditch me.
I am grateful for these two gross incompetence's.
I have not delivered one thing that has been good for the United Kingdom. I have taken the "Great" out of Great Britain. UK citizens leave the country 3 times slower than people enter it illegally, so we are filling up fast. But I don't care. I cannot cement my legacy on my record. So, I have decided, the UK shall become a continent. Australia is an island and it is a continent. So shall Britain. We shall be known as Oceania.
There was a fear that I may leave office and be forgotten. That the name Tony Blair may have never been mentioned again in a positive way. With me taking this step, every history book in the world will have to be re-written to reflect the fact that Tony Blair single handed-ly created the eighth continent of the world. A continent has not been created since God did it, so I'm in pretty good company.
Oceania and Australia will be the only continents to have a single Prime Minister or President and I shall be one of them. We will be the only two island continents. That's pretty impressive. I shall go down in history as a creator, not of strife, but of Oceania, the eighth wonder of the world.
When asked by the BBC when the transition to becoming a continent would take place, Blair replied "Once the Home Office erects the telescreens where I can watch my citizens and provide a means where they can pay daily homage to me, we shall be known as Oceania. Since many of these cameras and monitors are already in place, I predict we will be a continent in the next four to five weeks. But I encourage publishers to began re-writing the history books now."